spring-loaded-jesus-candles:

wow, that’s alot of snow. 

THE MOTHA FUCKING ALOT MONSTER

alexandraerin:

victoriansilurianlesbianthespian:

loving-that-officey-feel:

rdjinspiringlybeautiful:

loving-that-officey-feel:

rdjinspiringlybeautiful:

loving-that-officey-feel:

rdjinspiringlybeautiful:

Watching Iron Man, as you do.

All my love for Tony.

He’s kidnapped, has open heart surgery performed on him in a fucking cave, is tortured and still throws around attitude like it’s part of his genetic make up.

**

(Um, do I need to warn about discussion of medical-y stuff? I don’t want to squick anyone. This is me warning people. Also, this might’ve turned into something sorta resembling narrative half-way through.)

I was just thinking about this. Well, mostly the heart surgery in the fucking cave part, because I was looking through my artist’s anatomy books and I finally twigged to the fact that, from an anatomy standpoint, not only is the arc reactor housing going right through Tony’s sternum and where his pectorals would anchor to it that the arc reactor itself actually goes really deep into his chest. Like the base-plate the reactor connects to is lodged pretty precariously between his lungs and literally right next to the atrium and major arteries/veins of his heart. So, in theory, not only should the arc reactor make it hard to breathe and move his arms/upper body because of compromising his sternum and muscles so much, and by basically being a giant weight hanging in the centre of his chest, (cause he can’t very well nail it to his heart on the inside, that’d kinda be missing the whole point,) but also that the whole thing is so absurdly delicate. Forget for a minute about taking the arc reactor out, one really really hard blow to the chest could send the whole giant hunk of metal right into his heart/lung/artery and he’d bleed out internally before anyone could do anything about it. And that it has the potential to really, really chafe. Whole new meaning to heartburn right there.

And yes, I know, comic book logic applies, suspend your disbelief etc. But I just can’t help but think about how it’d work from a practical standpoint. Because not only does Tony have heart surgery in a cave once to remove most of the shrapnel and for Yinsen to put in the electromagnet, but then he technically has it again to put in the housing for/the arc reactor, after which he proceeds to be a badass blacksmith and build his way to freedom, which involves a lot hammering at the very least. Which no one’s going to do with a big hung of metal just dangling freely in their chest, I don’t care what kind of logic you’re using.

However, assuming that Yinsen’s a bad enough surgeon to do heart surgery in a cave and not kill people, (ok,) and Tony’s a badass genius enough to invent revolutionary miniaturized technology to escape said cave, (ok,) and that this is a movie so injuries/surgery heal at an exponentially quicker rate for the sake of the narrative, (ok,) then I am totally convinced that Tony and Yinsen thought of the same thing. And when I thought about it the most plausible explanation I came up with that’d solve most of these issues with comic book-acceptable logic was that the housing for the arc reactor is basically wired around/screwed into his ribs. This solves the whole compromised sternum/inability to breathe properly issue, as well as having his skeleton take the weight of the arc reactor off of his soft squishy innards and making sure that the thing generally shouldn’t move around too much. It’d also mean that when Yinsen installed the housing in Tony’s chest that that was some seriously hard-core surgery. The inside of Tony’s chest probably looks like a motherboard there’s do much metal in it now underneath the surface.

The other thing is that the arc reactor was created to run an elector magnet to keep shrapnel out of Tony’s heart. But shrapnel is reaaaaally slow moving. So actually, if it was just shrapnel when Obadiah stole the arc reactor Tony should’ve had no problems getting to his workshop to get the old arc reactor. He could’ve taken a couple days to walk there and he would’ve been fine. But Tony was very, very much NOT FINE. Which brings me to issue number two. In the comics Tony’s chest plate for the armor actually acted as a pacemaker because of his bad heart and kept him alive that way. Also, the heart is a very fragile electrical system. that’s why pacemakers were invented, because they help normalize the electrical impulses that tell the heart when to beat. I’d like to point out that Tony: got shrapnel to the chest, had heart surgery, had a giant magnet attached to a car battery, (not exactly subtle electrical equipment here,) inserted in his chest, and then was repeatedly tortured by drowning while he has live electrical leads in his chest. That’s a really pretty effective way to mess up someone’s natural heart rhythm there. Which leads me to believe that not only is the arc reactor powering the electromagnet in his chest, but that after the whole ordeal Tony’s heart was so generally fucked that he had to program also set up a base function for the arc reactor to again act like a pacemaker and keep his heart beating. And considering what Tony was already able to build in that cave, setting the arc reactor up to send the proper minor electrical pulses to his heart was probably a piece of cake. I only bring this up because the movie alludes to it, but the the big deal is made about the reactor as a sciency-thing or the electro-magnet and the shrapnel, not just how badly his heart was messed up by the whole thing. Because if the arc reactor also acts as a pacemaker the whole immediate cardiac arrest thing makes perfect sense.

Of course, the other main point I’ve been trying to get at by figuring out how all of this would work is: that had to have really fucking hurt. Like, the operation to put in the arc reactor made the first operation, (which I assume he hadn’t even healed from at the time,) and the torture seem like a walk in the bloody park.

And Tony gets down to blacksmithing right afterwards. Talk about working through pain.

Also, the arc reactor, and everything that’d be required to keep it stable is a pretty massive thing for the human body to heal around. The human body is remarkable, but I can’t help but think that to varying degrees the arc reactor is a constant, dull throbbing pain that Tony just has to learn to live with. And some days it’s fine and he doesn’t feel it at all and then other days it’s just brutal. Like people who break bones and then feel it every time the weather changes, except worse. And of course Tony’s not going to talk about that, or complain, or even indicate that it hurts because look, it made him Iron Man, and it saved his life, and it’s something he’s proud of and that he was able to do that his father couldn’t.

But the other thing is that no one asks either. It just seems like everyone gets so distracted by the fact that there’s a shiny glowing reactor in his chest that they forget that there’s a shiny glowing reactor in his chest. And what it took to get it there. As well as what that means for having to live with it every day for what will likely be the rest of his life. Obadiah just wants to steal the tech, Rhodey, (since he was the one who told Obadiah, was probably more wowed/weirded out,) and Pepper was alternatively grossed out and sappily sentimental, (I think she was just glad Tony was alive and really didn’t want to even think about the details of how that works).

So why did I even start thinking of this anyway? Because I was reading my anatomy for the artist. Who else do we know who is an artist who works by observing people and things and would have to have a similar knowledge of anatomy? Who was also a soldier during WWII and probably has seen more of wounds and the insides of people’s bodies than he’d ever cared to have seen and who was a brilliant fighter in that war because of his ability to observe, calculate, learn and lead?

Yeah, hi there Steve.

And I can’t help but think that sometime after they’ve gotten to know each other a bit and are more or less comfortable with each other that Steve couldn’t help but notice that Tony’s arc reactor isn’t all rainbows and sparkles all the time. Because Tony telegraphs a lot with his body language, especially when he’s comfortable around people and doesn’t think he has to put on as much of a front. And Steve reads body language like normal people read books. But Steve is also from the 40’s and a big believer in personal privacy, and an arc reactor in your chest is pretty intimate, so he doesn’t say anything for a while. Then one day he walks into Tony’s workshop while Tony’s switching out the vibranium core, (I know it’s ‘burning cleaner’ now, but I’m pretty sure it’s still got to be replenished like the palladium ones were,) and Tony’s all “Oh, hi Steve,” and casual about it, because now they’re comfortable with each other and Tony generally downplays the fact he runs on batteries. And Steve sees the size of the actual arc reactor for the first time before Tony screws it back into his chest and has a holy crap moment where all my weird anatomy revelations rush through his head because he’s still getting used to technology and everything is so thin now a days, like phones and tablet computers and stuff, and he’d always assumed that the arc reactor was like that too but its not and it’s like he’s been hit in the chest instead.

And the thing is, Steve understands pain. Especially chronic pain. That was his body and life before the super soldier serum. So suddenly his sympathy for Tony having off days with the arc reactor, where Steve can read it in the way Tony carries himself more stiffly than normal when he normally moves so fluidly, snaps a little more than normal, and drinks more than Steve would like goes from the ‘give Tony a bit more leeway’ category to the ‘how the hell has no one else noticed this?’ category.

Then, in a rare moment of Steve being so floored that he forgets to engage his brain before he engages his mouth, blurts out “Does that hurt?” as he watches Tony screw it back in, even though he knows it has to, has sudden flashes of terrible images of what it must’ve take to get that thing in Tony’s chest and how he could only imagine it would have felt. But Tony’s oblivious to Steve’s mind just having gone off the high-dive, because he’s been living with the arc reactor for a while now and he’s used to it and looks up slightly confused at Steve’s question, then answers, “They were shrapnel wounds to the chest, Steve. Of course they hurt.” Because Tony thinks Steve meant then, not now.

Steve swallows, because there went respecting Tony’s privacy and he’s stuck his foot in it royally, but now he’s concerned about Tony because he genuinely likes Tony and he really doesn’t like the idea of his team mate/friend being in pain all the time. Especially if no one else has done anything about it, because now he’s known Tony long enough to know that Tony doesn’t look after himself. So Steve figures he’s committed to the subject now and says “No, I mean, does having that,” and he motions a circle his own chest where the reactor would be on himself because his chest still hurts just thinking about it, “hurt?”

Then Tony finally gets it and it’s his turn to be flabbergasted because no one asks that. And he can’t tell if it’s because Steve’s concerned or because he suddenly thinks Tony’s a liability, because Tony doesn’t know how to process it when people care about him. So he doesn’t even know if he should tell the truth or not because he’s so damn good a lying and he’s been doing fine, really. Better than fine. he’s Iron Man, it’s amazing. He’s never been better. What’s a little chronic pain in your chest when you get to save the world? But it’s Steve, who is always so infuriatingly honest and nice and Tony would really feel like a jerk lying to him, so he just shrugs and says, “The alternative was worse,” which, when you’re talking to Steve might as well be an omission. And then adds, because his brain is still rebooting and hasn’t disengaged from his mouth yet, “No one’s asked me that before.” Because Steve breaks every rule of human interaction that Tony’s ever been able to figure out just by caring way too much about everyone. Even people who don’t deserve it.

Of course, Steve’s seen Tony, seen the way that Tony tries to avoid people touching him and knows he should respect those boundaries, but he’s not a doctor, and if Tony wanted a doctor he could have the best one in the world, so Steve knows that everything that can medically be done probably has been done, but he wants to help, and his instincts tell him that Tony needs this, so he does what he knows how to do and just wraps Tony in a giant hug before he can protest.

Steve’s all, “It’s ok if it hurts, Tony,” and he tells Tony all about how he felt when he was sick as a kid all the time and how Bucky would tear a strip out of him when he pushed himself too far when he was in pain just because he felt he had to and once Tony gets over the initial shock of ‘being hugged by Captain America,’ he just melts into him because Steve is so warm and smells really nice and isn’t going to boot him off the Avengers and is rubbing circles into his back, so this is pretty much the best thing ever that doesn’t involve robots or sex. Also, wow, his chest does hurt a little less, how did Steve do that? So of course Steve offers to do whatever he can to help when Tony’s on a downswing, while Tony can’t quite comprehend that he could have more of this again and all he has to do is ask, but he definitely wants more in the future.

So basically Steve is well on his way to being the perfect boyfriend without even knowing it yet.

I’d just like that to happen please, thanks.

**

Holy shit.

I’m floored. Absolutely floored.  This is so brilliantly thought out. From the medical to the emotional. 

Bravo.

If I could get my head around the Tony/Steve cannon a little more I would write this for you, but I’m not quite there yet.

Floored…did I mention that?

Wow.

**

K. Had time to think on this a little more.

I remember when I first saw the movie thinking during the water torture scene,‘hold on they want this man to build a weapon for them, which he hasn’t done yet, and they’re pushing him into water while he is hooked up to electricity?’. Also remember thinking ‘um, his heart isn’t in the middle of his chest.’ And then when Pepper sicks her hand in there thinking, ’shit that is like way far into his chest cavity’. 

Also it doesn’t surprise me that no-one thought to ask him if it(the reactor in his chest) hurts.  No-one seems overly concerned with how this man feels about anything.  So long as he is producing like a good little genius all is well in their world.

That he has to wait for Captain America/Steve to show up before anyone stops to think, ‘wait this is a living, breathing person here with real emotions’ is tragic and a testament to Tony’s indomitable spirit and desperate desire for a human connection that he still has anything left to give and is willing to trust again.

**

Wow, thanks, I’m so glad you liked it :) I’ve been thinking about it for a while and when I saw your initial comment I figured, ‘why not, I’ll write it down’. Because Tony clearly gives all the feelings.

And yeah, I had much the same thoughts going through my head during the water torture scene the first time I saw the movie and we see the quick flashes of the arc reactor in between. It’s my opinion that the fact that Tony was being repeatedly electrocuted while he was drowning that gave him seed of the idea that became the arc reactor. Fucked up his heart, but sent his brain into over-drive.

Same with the scene with Pepper removing the wire. I knew enough anatomy to know that the arc reactor is basically occupying the only free space in his chest that he has without it cutting right through vital organs, sitting as it is with it’s bottom edge right above the top part of Tony’s heart. Even then his lungs are probably a bit smooshed on either side to accommodate it. But yeah, it’s a good thing the heart is lower and more to the left than most people think it is, otherwise the reactor would be going right through it. As it is Yinsen had to do some major surgery magic to fit it in between all the major arteries and veins that it’s right on top of.

And yes, it is deeply, deeply sad that no one seems to have addressed this at all out of his circle of close friends. It’s like they’ve gotten into the habit of believing Tony when he says he’s fine, (which, frankly, is a very bad habit to get into). Just because it makes it easier to deal with him when they can pretend that they don’t have to worry about him all the time. (Tony could do with more people who genuinely worried about him. And expressed that worry in a proactive manner instead of just getting mad at him all the time.)

Thank goodness for Steve and his unerring ability to see right through all of Tony’s bullshit and pretense and then his kindness and compassion that he uses to deal with what he finds there. I really feel that no matter how much of polar opposites they seem on the surface they really do have a lot in common and end up with a really deep understanding and concern for one another. (Completely outside the fact that I think they’re head over heels for each other).

But yeah, major props for Tony who just keeps taking hit after hit after hit, (both physical and emotional,) and just keeps getting back up again no matter how much it hurts to do so. Sometimes I think even Tony doesn’t know why he keeps fighting so hard. He just gives and gives and gives desperately hoping to get something back, when at the same time he doesn’t think he actually deserves it. And then along comes Steve and finally, finally there’s someone there to catch Tony and it makes such a world of difference.

**

Agreed that Steve and Tony do have a lot in common.  Both have before and after lives, both have gone through things that have radically changed them and both have had major physiological alterations.  I think that what intrigues Tony about Steve is that he doesn’t give up, he refuses no matter what Tony’s front, to accept the ‘I’m fine’ excuse.  And as we all know ‘fine’ is simply an acronym for ‘fucked up, insecure and neurotic.’  It bothers me that the movie didn’t deal with any of the PTSD that Tony had to have suffered on his return.  A person doesn’t go through an ordeal like that without some kind of mental trauma.

It always irks me when S.H.I.E.L.D. Specifically Coulson (who, don’t get me wrong, I love) and Fury dismiss Tony’s posturing as ‘narcissistic . You know they have gone through psychological training, why do they not see that the man is simply building an impenetrable wall?  (I give up on Pepper. I never really liked her character.) That is why I find it all the more rewarding when Tony gives his life for Steve.  It shows how deeply this man’s emotional attachment when he chooses to trust and love and his commitment to the right thing are.

**

*nod nod* I totally agree with everything you just said. Also, fine as an acronym for ‘fucked up, insecure and neurotic’ is brilliant. I’ve never heard that before. I’m keeping it. But yeah, Steve totally refuses to ignore problems when he sees them, especially when he think s he can help. Hell even when he doesn’t think he can help. In the comics when Tony was on his downward spiral with his alcoholism Steve was the one who kept coming back and coming back and trying to help/arguing with Tony, basically anything he could think of to try and get him to stop. Steve was the one who tried the longest and the hardest after everyone else had already given up. But even he eventually reached his breaking point where he was all ‘I don’t know what to do anymore if you won’t let me help you. I don’t know how to handle this,’ before he finally walked out. (It was very clear Steve didn’t want to give up on Tony even then, but he just didn’t know what to do anymore because Tony wasn’t letting him in.) And it was only after Steve left that Tony really hit absolute rock bottom being-a-hobo-dying-in-a-snowbank-in-a-back-alley bad. He’s also the first person to believe in Tony even when everyone else doesn’t. Anyway, I think my point is that Steve doesn’t take any of Tony’s excuses and he’s willing to do all the work to dig down deep enough to deal with them. Steve doesn’t shy away from hitting the sensitive topics when he feels they have to be dealt with when most other people run away at the thought of dealing with all of Tony’s emotional fallout.

Also, I think that Tony’s intrigued by Steve’s idealism and optimism. Steve always sees the good in people/situations and does what’s right. And for someone like Tony who’s always trying so hard to be a good man. Steve is proof that it’s possible. And there’s Steve’s problem that he’s such an icon and such a pinnacle of morality as Captain America as well as a man out of time that most people see the flag and not Steve the man. Who has his own emotional problems and needs as well. But Tony always treats Steve as Steve and on the same token isn’t afraid to tell Steve when his idealistic view of a situation just isn’t practical/possible. because Steve can be as stubborn as a mule. Possibly the only person who can be more stubborn than Tony, (it’s just that in the comics when Steve’s stubborn he’s usually right, but not always, so it doesn’t get commented on as much as Tony’s stubbornness because Tony isn’t nearly as consistently in the right as Steve is). Most people aren’t willing to take on Captain America, but Tony is. It’s why they make such an unstoppable team when they’re together, because they’re both one of the few people who can get through to each other when other people won’t even try. The thing is that Steve knows he’s not right all the time, and he really values the fact that Tony’s willing to tell him, that Tony balances him out and keeps him from rushing headlong into action when he shouldn’t. And the thing is, Steve is a man out of time. Way out of time. And since he’s such a good guy people tend to assume he’s naive or that he doesn’t understand things, but not Tony, who never treats Steve like he’s stupid or doesn’t understand just because he’s from the 40’s. Tony sees how smart and capable Steve is and doesn’t see the need to dumb anything down for him. Tony was one of the people who really brought Steve into the present in the comics and gives Steve something to be grounded to in the present. Tony shows Steve all the wonderful things that the future’s got and gives him a reason to want to stay here. 

But yes, back to movie-verse Tony again. It bothers me in the same way that they’ve never dealt with Tony’s PTSD at all…other than Obadiah trying to use it to lock Tony out so he can take over the company. I’ve lived with people with combat-related PTSD and it is not a picnic by any stretch of the imagination, and if you leave them alone and pretend nothing’s going on it just tends to get worse, not better. If you read the tie-in comics, it becomes even more clear that Tony’s channeling his PTSD into working himself into the ground prior to IM2. He was really burning the candle at all ends, which I’ve seen people to do try and avoid having to think about it/deal with it.

And SHIELD…ahh SHIELD. The tie-in comics are really brilliant for this because they deal A LOT with what was going on with SHIELD behind the scenes of both movies. It totally made me think about it in a different way. Because Fury, in talking to Coulson, very explicitly talk about different points in the movie and how SHIELD was actively manipulating and testing Tony to get him to either do what they wanted, or see how far they could push him before he broke. Every encounter with SHIELD in the two movies is part of a mind game with Tony. It makes the whole thing even darker and messed up than before because they know exactly what’s going on and they’re purposely not doing anything, (especially on Fury’s part. Coulson is not as bad. For the most part he’s not as keen to go messing with Tony’s head and just wants to get down to business and beat the crap out of the bad guys. Coulson’s a BAMF even in the tie-in comics.)

But yes, it’s rewarding AND heartbreaking every time Tony sacrifices himself for someone, (mostly Steve, almost always Steve. The number of times he’s taken a blast/stopped his heart/exposed himself to deadly viruses/shielded Steve is staggering. Tony always chooses to protect Steve over any injury he might sustain himself, no matter what). Because it’s absolutely true, when Tony loves/cares about someone he does it absolutely with everything he has. Basically it’s absurdly hard to earn Tony’s trust/friendship, to work through all the shields he’s got to get at his heart, but once you’re in there, you’re in there forever, (unless you’re a supervillian…in which case you’re still in there, just now laced with tons of painful guilt).

GO THE FUCK BACK UP THERE AND READ THE WHOLE FUCKING PASSAGE YOU LAZY FUCK. IT’S BEAUTIFUL. DON’T YOU DARE SCROLL PAST.

…I started reading this thinking it was just going to be a lot of technical nitpicking, but it’s actually a beautiful, No Prize-worthy explanation of what’s really going on with a lot of glorious TonyxSteve feels.

This is too perfect. <3

My beard and I are feeling quite flawless today.

Can someone put pwned on this gif? kthanx

I love this gif so much.